Hindsight

How often my heart sinks, when you talk that way,

When you remind me,

How it was when I was drowning.

 

Caught in a maelstrom of emotions, delusions, and paranoia,

When I was lost to myself completely.

 

Now I watch and listen, over my glass of gin,

Tonic, ice and a slice of citrus, bittersweet,

Pondering possible cures.

 

There are no answers,

When the light leaves your eyes,

Not even a healthy dose of hindsight, and wishful thinking.

Count on That

I was not the enemy,

Yet I walked blindfold from the precipice,

As darkest dreaming smothered me,

I knew I couldn’t count on you.

 

Now, I wake from the blackout,

To admit my foolishness to you,

Feel I owe you an apology,

And a piece of my pain.

 

Sorry, never good enough,

For your shell-shocked heart,

And moral judgement,

As foolish as I am,

I knew I could count on that.

 

I was not the devil that tempted me,

I was not the reflection that cracked me,

I was not the darkness that took me,

I was not the faith that left me.

 

Sorry, never good enough,

For your blind anger,

But I don’t blame you,

For you were not there,

I knew, I could count on that.